Actually, Robert Frost, I Prefer the Well Traveled Road

The nurse called Sunday afternoon to give us results from the tests earlier in the morning. “Unfortunately, your uterine lining is still too thin, and the doctor would like to cancel the cycle for this month. I’m so, so sorry.”

January 19. The date we were supposed to transfer our embryo, would now be just a regular day. While this setback will be a tiny blurb when we look back, it is the small detours and setbacks from the past 4.5 years that feel too heavy.

January 19. I never even put the date in my calendar, and now, I wish I had.

Two weeks of taking estrogen, twice a day. Two weeks of hot flashes. Two weeks of not being able to sleep. Two weeks of trying to visualize a healthy pregnancy. Two weeks of mentally preparing, all to be told that we need to wait.

I’m honestly ready to be on that well-traveled road. The road where people get pregnant naturally, without the ultrasounds, bloodwork, biopsies, or expensive treatments. Today, I want to be like so many on that regular road.

I’m not sure what type of road we’re on, and if Robert Frost were here, I’d ask him to explain it to me. I’d ask him to somehow describe this blurry road we’ve been on. It is a road absent of traffic signs and directions.  We continue to follow this road in the hopes that it will lead us to where we want to go. Maybe Frost would tell me to just keep putting one food in front of the other until we arrive at our destination. Then again, maybe Robert Frost would instruct us to make our own map.

I know it’s not all bad. I know that this extra month or two will give me time to re-set, change my diet a little, work with my acupuncturist on a new game plan, and learn more patience. I am grateful for that. And you. All of our close friends, family members, acquaintances that reach out and send us good thoughts. Thank you. You keep us going when we question whether or not a family is in our future.