Good Morning, Transvaginal Ultrasound!

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We are officially in phase two of our IVF cycle. In phase two, we start with two injections and work our way up to adding more. Currently, I am on three injections. All three are to help trick my body into producing as many follicles as possible for the eventual egg retrieval. I take one shot at 6:07 every morning and two at 6:00 every evening. The task of mixing the medicine together, the worry of accidentally dropping a vial and it breaking, and the pure anxiety I feel when looking at the needles is enough to make me break out into a sweat. Add the rotation of injection sites, along with the tangible act of injecting, and I generally feel over stimulated. However, I am extremely lucky to have such a supportive and sweet partner who gives me the shots daily and keeps me from running away to hide. Tonight, sadly, he has to work late so I will be giving myself two injections on my own. Right now, the thought of it, makes me a little nauseous. At this moment, it is 5:33 in the evening, and I am already dreading the fact that I only have 27 minutes left before I have to give myself two shots.

Most of our time though is spent going to regular doctor visits for bloodwork and ultrasounds. Over the past week, I’ve been at the clinic four times at 6:30 a.m. for tests, with a smile. I don’t know about you, but I just feel off the entire day if my morning doesn’t start with a cup of coffee and a transvaginal ultrasound. Yeah, transvaginal. I had no idea what a transvaginal ultrasound was until a few years ago when we started infertility treatments. The name, “transvaginal,” just sounds so clinical, and it is, but there is an element of humor to it as well that makes me appreciate my preference for adolescent humor.

For instance, my three favorite ultrasound techs at our clinic are awesome in very different ways. One has a super dry sense of humor and is very matter of fact. Many of my partner’s jokes, intended to help me laugh, go unacknowledged by her as she does her job.  Another tech listens to country music and discussed this morning, with my partner, how rose essential oil would be a great scent for hand sanitizer. (She hates when hand sanitizers smell like soap.) My partner quickly agreed that rose would be lovely but feared it would be too expensive to make. All while I am on a table, legs splayed open, and waiting for the most awkward way to start the day. My favorite tech is someone who just bounces with joy. During my tests we usually talk about her kids starting a new school, how she used to write poetry all the time, and how she works hard to provide her kids with opportunities she didn’t have. We talk the entire time. We talk as though there is no wand in my vagina. We talk as if it is a normal conversation. This is all to say, that so much of this process is painful, uncomfortable, and stressful, but the moments of connection with others, those are what get me through.

While I wish I could prescribe everyone a morning transvaginal ultrasound, I realize that it isn’t widely available and that for now, you’ll just have to take my sarcastic word for it. See, even right now, at 5:56 p.m. I am avoiding the unavoidable. It is shot time, but I want to talk about ultrasounds.

I should really go, but one more thing, thank you for following us on this weird path. It makes us feel less alone.