Goose Eggs: Our First IUI

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Last year, when the pandemic hit and my partner and I were both laid off, we started visiting the woods on a regular basis. We were living in Black Mountain, NC and loved to escape to the next town over, Montreat, to sit in the woods. Montreat is a college campus, nature preserve, and park wrapped up into one sweet little place. Sometimes, we would hike in the woods, other times we would sit by waterfalls, and most days, we would sit on a bench, overlooking the lake, and watch the geese. There were a pair of geese that hung out in the lake, we called them Gregory Peck and Jean Claude, along with a muscovy duck that we named Walter. In the spring of 2020, we were getting ready for our first IUI and the geese were getting ready to lay their eggs.

During a visit later in the week, we noticed a small nest with four eggs in it. Jean stayed close to the eggs as she added twigs, grass, and dirt to her home base. As we circled the lake, we stopped every time at the nest to check on the eggs. Four eggs. Secure in a nest and safe from harm. Days later, I thought of Jean and her eggs when we were at the doctor and it was discovered that I had four follicles. Four follicles that had the potential to release an egg. Suddenly, I was rooting, not only for us, but for Jean too.

Fertility treatments come with a lot of waiting. Waiting to see the doctor, waiting to hear the next steps, and waiting to get test results. For me, the most challenging type of waiting is the “two week wait,” the time between your procedure and the day you can take a pregnancy test. During this time you obsess over every change in your body and every new weird sensation. I tried to stay busy, but it’s impossible not to dream, dread, or worry during this time.

Mornings at Montreat can be a misty and damp place. There is a soft sense of peace and quiet. This day, as we walked from the car to the lake, we were excited to check on Jean and her eggs. As we made our way around the bend of the path, to the small inlet where the nest was, we noticed that Jean, Gregory Peck, and Walter were nowhere to be found. There were only three eggs in the nest and one in the shallow part of the lake. My partner grabbed my hand and we both had tears running down our red cheeks. We didn’t say anything, but I know we were both worried that this was a sign, an omen, that our IUI wouldn’t work.

My body has an unwelcome tendency to start my period the day before our scheduled pregnancy test. It’s like my body lets us dream for as long as possible before declaring the procedure unsuccessful. The morning before we were to take the pregnancy test, I started bleeding. In that moment, I thought of the nest, the three cracked eggs and the one at the bottom of the lake. Like Jean, there would be no babies this month for us.